i’m just…who knows….

Published March 15, 2011 by veryjaneeyre

You’re an expert at…keeping lines blurry.
-Dear John,
Taylor Swift

So maybe I jumped to the wrong conclusion yesterday. It was awfully coincidental though, don’t you think? The only thing it showed me, other than my sounding board is a wise and patient woman, is that I cannot keep doing this to myself.

I mentioned this this morning to the afore mentioned woman, about how every time I just about let go, he does something sweet and I get dragged back in by him and my weak will. She actually asked me for examples and I wanted to be like, Hello? Aren’t you the one who told me that he bought your sister a $60 sweatshirt because she was cold and that he escorted the both of you every time one of you got up from your seats at that fight? Don’t you remember me shaking my head at you and telling you, “You’re not helping”?

Instead I gave her examples that pertained to me. Strangely, she didn’t have a response to my words. Can’t you trust me on this and help me get over him? Especially since I’ve voiced that desire a few times now. Nothing good will ever come from the way I feel about him.

He, on the other hand, is doing his best to make me crazier. For a period of time today, he seemed to be everywhere I was. I look up and find his head making a rapid turn in the direction away from me- any faster, he could have given himself whiplash. Stop doing this to me.

Tomorrow I’m returning those damn golf balls. I don’t want to continue to be reminded of him anymore.

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