It’s dinner, then it’s bed alone.
– The Hurt, John Mayer
It’s been several days since I’ve seen Blue.
I realized yesterday that despite this, I haven’t missed him. What shocked me wasn’t that I didn’t miss him, it was why I didn’t. See, it turns out that my fears for him were founded. And because of this, he has been a part of my thoughts nearly every day.
I can imagine all the things he’s going through, the things he’s feeling and thinking because I was there not so long ago. His siblings all have significant others to lean on and Blue has…friends. He’s not entirely alone, but still, it’s not the same. And this is part of the reason I hurt on his behalf.
I know what it’s like to go home filled with uncertainty, afraid to voice anything aloud in case it’s true (like you fear) and you don’t want to burden the others who have families to return to so you stay silent as persistent thoughts nag at you all night long. Break down when and where no one can see or hear you. Get up after minimal, if any, rest. Repeat.
I don’t want any of this for him. Unfortunately, I cannot stop whatever he’s actually going through, even though I would give anything to try.