Half of my heart’s got a grip on the situation,
half of my heart takes time.
-Half of My Heart, John Mayer f. Taylor Swift
I’ve been struggling for the past twenty-four hours for the right words. I’m still not sure that I’ve found them. Sometimes words fail me.
The other thing that’s failed me lately? My observation skills. Apparently when I was told to stop reading between the lines, I took those words to heart, and did just that. It turned out to be the wrong time to be doing so.
I should have known something was wrong when I called myself annoying and he gently disagreed with me. If he was being his usual self, he would have let my comment go or agreed with me. The tipping point should have been when I noticed that he insisted on sitting in the dark. That should have been a red flag moment for me. How the hell did I not realize it for what it was?? Especially since I did find him gazing at me from the dark room, at one point. We just watched each other for a few seconds before we went back to what we each had been doing. Why didn’t I take that minute to go and speak with him? It’s not like he would have admitted his feelings to me, but I will not forgive myself for being a bad friend who did not fully recognize how much he’s been hurting.
I just don’t know what to do now. I feel so damn helpless. It’s not like he actually needs me for anything. But I might prove to be a good distraction.