out, out, out

Published January 7, 2012 by veryjaneeyre

Now it’s morning but last night’s on my mind;
there’s something I need to get off my chest.
-All Mixed Up,

“Keep your head up.”

His voice repeats this phrase in my head, over and over again, now that the hazy slow burn of resentment has cleared. The problem lies in the fact that I can’t place where in the entire thing he said these words. Was it before or after everything blew up in my face?

I had been comforting myself by believing it was near the very end, but as I think back, it actually seems to be somewhere in the middle. Before I got blindsided. Before it all went to hell. Before I became Public Enemy #1.

Okay, that last one’s not true, but it sure felt that way.

Of course, he may have anticipated my reaction to what was about to go down and how once it did, my eyes hardly left the floor. And his words may have been more of a failed instruction (more failure on my part in his eyes) rather than the comfort that I desperately needed.

Any way you slice it, it’s not great. But now it’s out of my head.

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