So one last lie I can see through,
this time I finally let you
go, go, go.
-Lost In The Echo, Linkin Park
I should not be crying.
I already knew that I wasn’t allowed to have friends. Experience says it’s because I’m too neurotic, too whiny, too needy, too broken. They all realize it sooner or later and leave.
She’s been taking steps away from me for a while now. The things that bonded us have been thrown by the wayside and there’s nothing holding us together anymore. It’s not like I knew her, except it felt like I did. She’s a lot like me.
I’m struggling so hard not to simply push her out of my life to avoid being left behind again. To be the one who walks away first. Again. It would be so easy, but it would hurt just as much.
I’m too fucking emotional to think rationally.
And it certainly doesn’t help that one of my very best friends died around this time last year.
I need to step back and let things be. If she decides to junk our friendship, I wish her nothing but the best.