struggles with words

All posts tagged struggles with words

Life Update?

Published August 4, 2013 by veryjaneeyre

I wish I could say that I went out and got a life and that explains my absence, but alas, that did not happen.

I have done some things however, like: attend my sister’s baby shower, struggle writing this thing again this year, and go to my 3rd BTR concert.

BTR at Mohegan Sun 7/20/13.

BTR at Mohegan Sun 7/20/13.

If anyone read this post, sister and I were in the same damn section. (I mean, hooray for not having to deal with stairs, signs, or having to stand for the entire show.)

Time for the obligatory video. My niece hijacked her mom’s brain, so she was a little slow on the uptake and the first couple of seconds are missed. Still pretty damn good. My only complaint is that I would have loved a full version of Crazy For U.

Time to stop procrastinating.

If only I had a good thought in my head.


a banging thank-you

Published September 5, 2012 by veryjaneeyre

Okay! This thing that I whined about here and sort of cheered about here, is posted.

Before you get the link (haha!), you have to understand that the monster (as I’ve been calling it lately) would not have been written without the help of two very fabulous women: garnetice (C) and shisou_eimin (M).

C had the task of editing the damn thing.

But even before I got to that stage, she also had to handle me whining at her during every step of the process. It started with the difficulty of coming up with an idea. Quickly followed by me complaining that no one wanted to be my beta. It progressed into me (not so) jokingly threatening to quit every time she stated she “might die”. (How many times was that, C? Like 2 or 3?) It ended with me screwing up at every turn, an almost computer implosion (the blue screen of death appeared at one point!) and a few versions of the monster being sent her way.

I’m sure there were several points where she asked herself why she talked me into the bang. She deserves so much respect for dealing with me…. Go read her stuff. She’s the one who I talk about here and in paragraph 4 here.  She’s so awesome that even her notes on my errors are humorous. Here are couple of excerpts:

The ride to the deli is quiet but – comma after quiet. [removed], commas are our friends.

Getting on Logan’s nerves but before – commaaaa. Lol, okay, so I’m going to stop pointing these out because I’m sensing a theme, and it’s probably obnoxious for you to have me go COMMA COMMA COMMA. Generally, you’re going to need a comma before the but always; control f them all and insert those suckers. ❤ (Funny story here, C. I once had a teacher who told me to stop doing this very thing and that’s why they were all missing. And it wasn’t obnoxious at all!)

You might get some crit for it from the serious shippers, tbqh, because people are fans of happy endings, but they can go fuck themselves. This? Wins everything.

See what I mean? Awesome.

M, on the other hand, was my artist. Her lovely contribution is here. (She too writes amazing stuff…find it here.)

She also got the brunt of my whining through various forms of communication: email, text, twitter. Next time I might try carrier pigeon.

M was my drill sergeant when I needed to be kicked/pushed and didn’t shoot me when I went and completely changed the ending on her.

It’s also thanks to her that the monster has had so many views already despite being posted for such a short amount of time.

M continues to be my sounding board for a great many things. She is simply amazing.

Seriously, I don’t know how either of them put up with me, but I thank you from the bottom of my heart. I love you both.

The monster.

what? a post?

Published May 28, 2012 by veryjaneeyre

Hey! I’m not dead. (Although last weekend, I almost was.)

However, this is nothing more than another procrastination post. I should be working on my big bang but I keep grabbing onto every distraction I can because…I can. Think of this video as a visual summary of my bang (sorta):

If watching that gave you a few ideas, you might be in a better position than me, but it encompasses a few of the key elements of what will eventually be my story.

I have a vague “outline”, a few unclear ideas and no real end result. What I need to do is to make notes and get my shit together so that if I actually get a confirmation about my requested time off, I will be writing some of that time. (I hope.)

In the meantime, I think I’m going to rewatch Sherlock take the Reichenbach Fall…because I can. Also because watching it the first time with a hurt brain doesn’t help catch the nuances. Or be able to read the texts on the screen.

and the moral of today’s story is….

Published April 20, 2012 by veryjaneeyre

All this time to make amends;
what do you do when all your enemies are friends?
-Monkey Wrench,
Foo Fighters

Welcome back, Complaint Friday. Last week was a shitty week, work-wise, and I didn’t need you. This week was shitty for personal reasons and I’m glad to have you back.

I may have done one of the stupidest things, ever. I signed up for a big bang. Big bangs, for all of you people who aren’t currently being seduced by (fan)fiction, are works of fiction written and…you know what? Follow this link for more.

Anyway, the big bang has a minimum of 15,000 words. I don’t think I know 15,000 words. Even if I do know that many words (obviously a great many will be repeated), I don’t have an idea to carry me for that long. I struggled to hit 5k with Star and failed. How the hell am I going to hit15k???

In more practical matters, I’ve been pissed off by someone who I considered to be a friend. Apparently, I didn’t rate as such in her book because she laid into me over something incredibly stupid. Guess what? Not everything I say is inappropriate, so if you have examples, I’ll be more than willing to listen to what they are so I don’t repeat those mistakes.

A better option would have been to pull me aside at those times and say, “I found that to be inappropriate.” At that point, I could have apologized and learned from my mistake. Instead, you kept quiet, so it couldn’t have been that bad.

And finally, if you consider me to be socially awkward and annoying, that’s great. No one’s forcing you to be friends with me. I guess it’s time to stop pretending because I don’t need this bullshit in my life. Thanks for the trust reminder. I won’t be making that mistake with you again.

call me captain backfire

Published April 2, 2012 by veryjaneeyre

I just wanna be liked,
just wanna be funny,
looks like the joke’s on me-
so call me Captain Backfire.
-My Stupid Mouth
, John Mayer

Despite a verbal confirmation today that I really am likable (boy do I have her snowed), I have the funny thing down a bit better. At least, I think I do. Read this and you be the judge.

I wrote it for for this awesome girl I know. I may go back and work my original idea into something usable too. (M- if I do this, I’m holding it hostage. Its ransom would be my sequel. :))

I started reading a new book last night. It’s the second book of a trilogy, set in a dystopian society. Which happen to inspire a nightmare or two. Fun. Guess I need to stop reading right before bed.

The next six weeks are going to be hell. I ask that they move quickly. I hope that I find reasons to smile.

help me help you

Published October 15, 2011 by veryjaneeyre

Half of my heart’s got a grip on the situation,
half of my heart takes time.
-Half of My Heart,
John Mayer f. Taylor Swift

I’ve been struggling for the past twenty-four hours for the right words. I’m still not sure that I’ve found them. Sometimes words fail me.

The other thing that’s failed me lately? My observation skills. Apparently when I was told to stop reading between the lines, I took those words to heart, and did just that. It turned out to be the wrong time to be doing so.

I should have known something was wrong when I called myself annoying and he gently disagreed with me. If he was being his usual self, he would have let my comment go or agreed with me. The tipping point should have been when I noticed that he insisted on sitting in the dark. That should have been a red flag moment for me. How the hell did I not realize it for what it was?? Especially since I did find him gazing at me from the dark room, at one point. We just watched each other for a few seconds before we went back to what we each had been doing. Why didn’t I take that minute to go and speak with him? It’s not like he would have admitted his feelings to me, but I will not forgive myself for being a bad friend who did not fully recognize how much he’s been hurting.

I just don’t know what to do now. I feel so damn helpless. It’s not like he actually needs me for anything. But I might prove to be a good distraction.